I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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