she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
