Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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