You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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