at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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