Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
