i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
