so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
