and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
