Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize