i jhust puked up my retainher.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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