oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
