you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
