i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
