Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
