I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We are two peas in an std pod
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
