Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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