I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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