I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
