OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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