bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
