Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So much rum. So many feels.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
