saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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