Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
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I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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