I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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