I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
