Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
