how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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