I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
A+ Viking dick
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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