Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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