Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
