Cold hands, warm shart.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
