then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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