Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
