he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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