Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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