my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drake has all the answers
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
