I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
