am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
