I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
