Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
