I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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