God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she told me i tasted like america
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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