I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
