I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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