Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
