she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
