I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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