Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So much rum. So many feels.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
