i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
