if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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