I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
