my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
