i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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