That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
