Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
