Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
