Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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