I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
