It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
