I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
