I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
